7th August 2017

Its really suffering..... that baby just dont feel like talking to me.... she jusy dont feel like it..... it doesnt hurt her at all...... my tears just keep flowing and flowing.... just hoping that she will forgive me and talk to me..... sge really just do not know how much pain i am feeling.....

5th August 2017

Baby is really trying to kill me inside out emotionally........ she really do not know how much pain i am feeling right now......... fucking overthinking every shit now.....

4th August 2017

I should really go and die.....

4th August 2017

Tk... you suck.... you really suck.... just go and die...

4th August 2017

I think.... i am starting to get depressesd.... just feel something is wrong with myseld....

3rd August 2017

You just never how much it really hurts dont you.... you always say you do but you dont.... i will never do the same to you because i know how much it REALLY hurts....

3rd August 2017

I really dont know what to do..... to make baby forgive me..... and she just dont want to say a thing..... i just really feel like hurting myself to numb myself from such emotional pain.....

2nd Auguat 2017

Hope you will never get to find my blog.... as i know... once you finish reading it... you will definitely get angry at me for not telling you all this... but the thing is... you know you will get angry even if i tell you.... i really dont want to get you angry and rather i keep all this to myself... and watch you learn slowly.... on how to love me... i really love you.... and if you get to find  out about this blog of mine.... i do hope you'll still be with me and want to be with me forever and love me forever.... because... i do.... all i have done is all because of you and for you.... just want you to know how big an impact you make on me...

2nd August 2017

Ended school today at 12... went for lunch with friends and ended up in karaoke. Around 2+... baby returned snap that she ended school and told me to meet at circle line... i was half way in karaoke with friends... told them i need to rush off already... ran off and out.... luckily there was a cab... hopped on and went over to nex and meet baby as told... reached there... got a stomachache and went to shit first... told baby about it... when done... she asked why i took so long and her mum was rushing her already... i rushed off from school and reached nex including shitting was around 30mins.... i was very fast already.... i really understand that her mum ia rushing her and may get angry over her taking so long... but i wasnt even told about around what time baby end school.... i rushed off and reached in 30mins is really very fast already.... all i needed was baby's appreciation... i really appreciate you trying so hard to let me send you home... as everytime i send you home... it is a risk itself... but i do need your appreciation for the things i do for you too.... i guess you do not know that i always put your feelings first before mine.... everything i do.... i think of not getting you sad, angry and etc.... when i do so... i may get sad and angry for doing it... but i try my best to suppress it... as long as you're happy.... because i really love you...

2nd August 2017

Felt really weak and lousy during training... all of a sudden i felt like i lost all my motivation... teared half way through training during break... felt so lousy because my stamina sucks like hell... cannot even kick properly like how i do last time... all gone.... down into the drain... easily injured nowadays... everywhere also injured... feel like i really suck.... and said a fucker by baby.... seems like i am really a loser in life.... idk what i am doing with life.... why am i in this earth.... i cause problem.... being a burden.... being a loser..... sometimes.... i really want to see who really cares... if i am lying in the hospital dying.... wtf am i thinking right.... idek wtf is wrong with me..... all i need is baby to embrace me.... just her is enough.... all i need her hug.... and tell me everything will be okay and she will be there with me.... and as i typing this.... i am fucking tearing.... but who knows?... nobody gonna know about this blog....

2nd August 2017

If baby, being my closest one, dont even believe me that i really did not mean to say it... i'll be fucking sad.... that in her eyes... i am a fucker....

29th July 2017

All i ever wanted..... is for you to stay and love me throughout no matter what as you promised....... thats all i could ever ask for....... and times like this..... i just feel like killing myself...... i just love you really really much baby........

18th July 2017

I swear everything i do just makes baby angry... talking on the phone, reception was bad, i just said sorry i cannot hear you, baby can say it again but in an angry tone... whats with me.... i am really a mess for her to handle... she say i am perfect to her but she acting like i am not... she used to like me being clingy but not now anymore...

8th July 2017

It's really suffering to receive cold treatment from baby... idek if you know that it hurts when you do that... but its all okay... i can take it... just as long as you feel okay and better baby....

7th July 2017

I am a fucking weakling in love and relationship... really doubting myself if i am good and strong enough to handle love...

7th July 2017

Sometimes i really think i suck at relationship... i just suck... i am so difficult to love... so difficult to satisfy... because of all my insecurities... i cannot bear to get angry and scold... i just cant... i rather i take in everything and feel all the pain myself dhen seeing baby getting angry at me... telling ger everything will only make her more angry eventhough she told me to just tell her what i feel and think... because all i wish is for her to be happy... she happy, i'll also be happy...

6th July 2017

It is our 7th monthsary together. Wished baby with a long long passage. She's still pms-ing and angry with me... giving me only a "happy 7th month 💕💕💕"... That short "happy 7th month 💕💕💕" was so familiar because thats what she said to her ex... and that was the last time she said it to him... making me so scared that it could be the last time she saying it... 😔😔😔 sometimes i think i am really not good enough to meet her standards and requirement... i wish i can be a better bf for her...

2nd July 2017

Baby want me to tell her how i feel and dont hide my feelings and what i think... tell liao dhen she angry... what can i do... if i do to you what you do to me... you really wouldnt like it baby... but still, i love you....

2nd July 2017

I know you're pms-ing baby but how you treating me and how you treating your girl friends is just different... and you tell me you pms?... its hirting okay... cant you feel my pain...

1st July 2017

Baby is pms-ing... really dont feel good when she being cold to me because she pms... asked her if there is anything i did/do that actually make her heart flutters and she replied no... that was really hurting to know... i cannot help but wonder if baby really in love with me... 😳😳 i dont know how to explain further... that reply made me so confused and hurt...