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Thursday, June 8, 2017

8th June 2017

Its really pain man... its like a knife stabbed into my heart and then twisting the knife around in the heart... baby... talk to me normally and lovely like how we use to please.... 💔 Am i still your number 1 priority?? Am i still the most important to you?? Are you as obsessed with me?? Do you miss me all the time?? Do you really love me baby?? Tell me baby... Let me know... Lets pour our hearts out to each other okay...

8th June 2017

When?.... when will baby be talking normally like how we use to talk again??... why is she doing this to me?.... why cant you tell me baby?... i really want to know.... it hurts you know... why cant we just sit down, explain, solve and settle everythimg calming together?...

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

7th June 2017

I really wishing baby can be lovely to me again... 😔😔😔 I already really tried my best to show you my change although its only just been 3 days...

7th June 2017

Met baby and sent her to school this morning. Then she decide to reach school late, so we skipped a few trains and went to nex to wall for abit as her friend asked her to buy food. Baby finally simmered down abit and start to be close to me again :) She hugged me again :) It feels really great to be able to be hugged by baby again i swear. She also held my hand again :) Then continued to send her to school. Reached J8, she was afraid a lot of her teachers will be around so i sent her off at 1 of the J8 exit which she brought me to. Hugged her goodbye and she kissed me 😊😊😊 I hope you know that i am happy babyy. 😊 After her school, she came over to my work to find me. We walked around chit chatting holding hands. Walked to sentosa and back, then around vivo city looking at toy r rus and babies stuff. We then went to an exit, hugged and kissed intensely. I hope baby knows that i've missed her hug and kiss so so so sooooooo much. I miss everything about her. The way she look at me, the way she talks to me, her holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me and making out with me. I miss everything sooooo much. She turns me on every single time when we start hugging and kissing. Hope you know that babyyy :) We got some skin contact and gave her a love bite. :) After that, brought her down to mrt station to send her off to go home.

Sad thing is, after she left, she starts talking to me quite coldly again :( She dont snap me her face and all :(( when what i want to see most in her snap is her face :((  Sent her a photo that she liked on insta about couples who sleeps together naked are happy and asked her if we should sleep naked together. She kept replying 🤔🤔 to all my questions and doesnt want to answer me... :(( idk if she knows that the way she dont answer my questions really hurts me and makes me think aaaaaaaaaa lot. It makes me even more insecure... 😔😔  she seems like she is not obsessed with me anymore... and cannot talk lovely to me anymore... 😔😔 I swear i am fucking sad... i hope she knows... told her i am getting sad and she replied she is still not gonna answer... whats wrong baby??? Why cannot answer me like you always did before??... 😳😳😳

7th June 2017

Now i just keep hoping that baby will go back to normal and talk to me normally like how we use to talk... being lovely and all to me...

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

6th June 2017

The goodnight baby gave is so cold... its just like a goodnight snap she will send to everyone else... am i even special to her?... when will she be lovely to me again?...

6th June 2017

Am i someone who can be manipulated around? Is my feeling being played around?...

6th June 2017

Baby is still so cold at me... not any of these (😙💕❤🙆💋) at all... 😔😔😔 I feel like i am just amyone normal to her instead of someone special... Do you still love me baby??... please tell me...

6th June 2017

I think i was born to get last seen at... 😩😩😩

6th June 2017

And yes, she didnt wish me happy 6th... it hurts... but can i do??...

6th June 2017

Its 6.03am. While waiting for time to up and leave to send baby to school, i am really hoping baby gonna at least send me back a happy 6th monthsary message... because if she dont, i guess i am gonna start thinking much again...

Monday, June 5, 2017

5th June 2017

Am i a joke? I feel like a joke to her mother...

5th June 2017

When its okay that everyone ignores and last seen me but just that one person cant, and that one person ignores and last seen me... it just hurts... but i have to learn not to show it... i need to pretend... to not make baby angry...

5th June 2017

She's definately angry with me... and she's being famn cold to me... i hug and she doesnt hug me back... i really dont know what else i could do to make her happy...

5th June 2017

I need to learn how to not let the past affect the present... I am really sorry that i made you angry again baby... but it really hurts when you pushed me away instead of pulling me closer...

Sunday, June 4, 2017

4th June 2017

Baby ended her chalet. Idk if she had fun but i hope she did. She was being cold to me today... maybe because i was annoying her with my sadness and missing her much... or maybe i am just annoying... but it hurts... hurts that she's being cold to me... i really dont know if she want to talk to me... it just seemed like she doenst want to talk to me... she avoided questions i asked again... i dont know if she knows that it hurts when she do this... i just have to pretend that its okay again... i keep feeling that she's losing interest in me... her love for me seems to fade even when she said it didnt... i really want to know the truth deep down in her heart... but at the same time i am so scared i couldnt take the answer... sometimes, i really feel like hurting myself to get her attention... am i stupid?...

3rd June 2017

Got so worried after finding out baby slept so late... and only got 3 hours of sleep. Really wanted her to get enough rest... she seemed like not wanting to talk to me... told her that she dont seem like she want to talk to me and she replied no... and i told her i want her to keep talking to me... she replied fineeeee. Told her that, by that reply means she didnt want to talk to me? And she changed subject... it really hurts me... whenever i ask a question and she just ignore it... i am really scared.... really really scared... she give me a feel that she've lost interest in me... all her replies was so cold.... i am really sad but i just didnt show it... i really dont want to make her angry at me... keep the pain to myself and rather she is happy... i just really want her to show me that she really love me... i feel sucky as i know i always need reassurrance... i know i need to learn how to open up and let her have fun and try not to be sensitive... but i tried my best... there is this prick deep down in my heart that is always pricking me and it hurts... i need her to remove this prick for me.... i really love her... baby... i really love you... and i really miss her while she is having fun in the chalet... miss her so much that it actually hurts... its 12.21am now... and she have yet to reply me since 8pm... she must be really having fun... glad she did... never want her to see how sad i get whenever i get insecure and when i miss her... cos it only makes her angry... and when she is angry... she ignores me... which hurts... and might say things that hurt me even more... hope she never gets to see this blog and know how sad i get everytime...

Saturday, June 3, 2017

2nd June 2017

Met up with baby and sent her home. Seems like baby not gonna take a break with me. I am really happy. She was feeling needy for me today, i was more than happy to give her my hugs that she need. She told me the night before when we called to talk, she really needed my hug... i feel so useless not being able to give her the hug that she needed during thag time... :( After sending her home, she needed to pack her stuff and head to chalet with friends. She told me that she gonna keep texting me but sadly, she didnt... her replies starting to get cold again... i could understand that all her friends are there and watching her... which gave her a hard time to reply me... i feel very sad that she didnt text me as much as she said she will but at the same time i want her to enjoy herself... so, i did not tell her about this... need to keep it to myself and not make her angry again... only this way i could make her happy... i miss baby so much eventhough i only just met her 2 hours before her chalet... i really want to see her and talk to her but... i shall just let her have fun... I love you baby...

Thursday, June 1, 2017

31st May 2017

Today, baby said that i did got stand up for her and wanted to have a temporarily break with me... Her words pierced straight through my heart and it really hurts so much... Baby seems like she is tired of me... because i am clingy, over sensitive and always telling her to do things she do not want to do... i cannot control... past made me like this... past hurt me and made me this way to protect myself... but at the same time i dont want to be like this... i really dont want to and i really hate myself when i cannot control it... but baby just dont see it... her words made my heart pump so fast as if it was sprinting towards a finish line and then it feels like my heart was made of glass, jumped down a building and shattered into pieces... she dont know how much her words hurt me... and i cannot do anything other than begging like a beggar for her not to take a break... as i always afraid a break will ends up a real break in the end... and i really cannot lose baby... i really cannot afford to lose her... i really love baby so much... i can lose everything but her... but why cant baby see how much i am fighting for her... and how much i am fighting against myself to be a better guy for her... No matter how much baby hurts me... i will still pick the pieces up myself and love her... can you see it baby?... can you?... i know i am a bad in relationships but i have never love someone so much as you... the love grew so much that it actually hurts because i afraid its all one sided... all i want is to be with you... make you happy... share your problems with me... and go through everything together... want you to love and keep me... i want to be part of your life... is that too much to ask for?... now, all i really hoping for is that you still love me and want to be with me as much as you always do... i am really sorry that i made you feel suffocated and tired... i am hurt too... all i need is you to hug me... and tell me all is fine and you will go through it with me together... i need your encouragement too you know baby... i didnt say all these because i know even if i said it, you'll just be angry at me for thinking this way... So, i might as well hide my thoughts and feelings and write it out here... i would rather i 1 person suffer the pain and keep it to myself and see you happy instead of being angry at me not telling you all these... cos you'll still be angry even if i say it...

I really want you happy baby... because i really love you so much...

Monday, August 17, 2009

Love makes you happy in the start and hurts you in the end

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.”