12 August 2017

Feeling unwell... coughing... and wish baby could show me some care now... 😔😧 She is just my cure to everything... my cure... my hope... my faith... my motivation... my determination... my love... my everything... and in hope... i can be her all of these too...

12 August 2017

You're the only one i seriously spent so much time and effort on baby... its really tiring if you do not know... i did not say it doesnt mean i am not... because anything for you... and just to see you... i will just keep all these with myself... because telling you will only make you feel worse/angry/sad/etc... i have never felt this love before with anyone and i am fucking serious about it... you're just my angel... yet my devil too... simply said... you're all i really need... really nothing else at all... praying everyday you will come back as soon as you can to make me a better person as an angel... for now... i have no choice but to pretend i am okay with you taking this break when i am seriously not and its killing me... for you to come back... i will hide this pain...

I love you...

11 August 2017

I really need baby to know... i need nothing and nobody but just her... all i need is her... nothing else matters at all... its really just her that i need to stay by my side... she's... my all... always hoping she will hold on no matter how hard it is for her... i understand its tough... just hold on to me and tell me... you're not going to give up on me...

10th August 2017

It's really tough....  fighting damn fucking hard that i have to accept baby is taking break... i really dont know if i am already depressed... kept going out late at night to thr park... find one dark corner of a playground and hide there... and just look up in the sky and do nothing but to think and missing baby... i really dont know how long more i can hold till i totally break down... i am really not strong for this.... i can only be strong when baby is with me... i really really praying and hoping everyday... baby will come back to me... because she reslly misses me and couldnt hold any longer being apart from me... 😔😢😔😢😔

9th August 2017

When will i ever get to hold you hands again... when i will ever get to hug and kiss you again....

8th August 2017

I swear... there is nothing that can stop bring baby off my mind... everything reminds me of her... my heart and my mind can never be in peace till the day she comes back to me.... i really dont know how i am going tk focus on my studies... only when i have her... i can really concentrate... i really need her back without taking a break... i really cannot take this... i am fucking struggling.... i swear i will give her everything she needs... all as long as she comes back to me.... please save me baby.... please.... i understand you dont want much commitment... all i need is you stay with me... talk as we always do... other than that... i will never demand it... please stay loyal to me please... if you still insist of taking a break... please find ways to remind yourself that you love me.... and soon when you're ready... you will come back to me and not someone else.... my heart really struggling like fuck man.... i am drowning all because you need a break...

8th Auguest 2017

Why cant baby just dont take a break... i know its suffocating... no one is ever ready for a relationship... it just come... and we all just have to fight on together to keep it alive... i am fighting really hard too but she just dont see it... and one of the hardest thing to fight is she needing a break... this fight... i know i may come out dead... but i will still fight... as long as its for you... and any chance for you to come back... but i still baby will take back her words for needing a break... cos its really killing me... why cant we just continue and be simple... i will really change just to let her have her space... her time... her privacy... whatever she needs but just really dont want her to take a break in our relationship... we love each other... why cant we continje fighting it.... she needs to understand that its hard for me too but not because i can commit... is because i love her and i am willing to fight it just to be with her... all as long as she is with me...

8th August 2017

All it take was just 1 mistake... saying thr wrong thing about her mum.... and there it goes.... it really fucking hurts.... that she said she need a break... i know its tough for her... i just want her to continue to fight for me as she that i am worth the fight... and now... i gyess its easier for her to say she need a break than continue to fight.... i totally knows what needing a break always end up.... i been through it before.... its always the same.... and i just really really really hope baby will get back to me asap and mend my heart.... she's not as firm to her answer anymore.... she said cant give empty promise.... she cant be sure what will happen in the future.... which means there is a chance she may not come back to me..... i really fucking sad.... i am like.... finally.... finally found one i love so much.... unexpectedly just like her.... i wasnt prepared just like her.... but i am willing to fight whatever that is coming at us and save this relationship.... but she isnt.... she is not ready to commit..... she is still learning..... i really want her to stay with me while she learns..... my tears just kept flowing and flowing..... there is no enough sorries that can stop my tears.... i only want her to come back to me.... i really really love her.... i really really need her.... i really really cannot cannot cannot afford to lose her..... if she doesnt come back..... there goes my heart...... the pieces she picked up and mend it bacm will be broken into pieces again and worse.... it can never be mend back again..... if she doesnt come back..... i can never trust myself to love again.... ever..... because i all love and ever need is her.....

7th August 2017

I really dont know how... you can watch me suffer miserably like this... do you really feel nothing at all... my heart is really crying for your help...

7th August 2017

Literally cried for 5 nights straight... she still do not know how much pain i am feeling... she just does not care... she would rather see me in this state than forgiving me and save me out of this pain...

7th August 2017

Baby doesn't even tell me she love me too even after i said i love her... is her love for me fading... is she not gonna love me anymore... all because i made her angry?... my head really want to explode... my heart sank to the core of the earth and cant go any deeper... pull me up and save me please baby... please... i dont know what i will do if you leave me there... die could be the best option...

7th August 2017

Getting ignored and not cared for from the person who i love the love the most and the only person i want to talk to thr most... i guess nobody understand this pain... not even baby... she can just literally ignore me and don't talk to me because she's angry and just don't feel like it... She said she knows i have feeling but yet she's ignoring it and let my feelings hurt... She chose anger over my feelings... That is why people goes to jail right... no matter how apologetic you are... as long as you make mistake... you still go to jail... and baby put me in jail... and she doesnt even know it... i really hope she will save me out from this jail...

7th August 2017

Its really suffering..... that baby just dont feel like talking to me.... she jusy dont feel like it..... it doesnt hurt her at all...... my tears just keep flowing and flowing.... just hoping that she will forgive me and talk to me..... sge really just do not know how much pain i am feeling.....