Baby is really trying to kill me inside out emotionally........ she really do not know how much pain i am feeling right now......... fucking overthinking every shit now.....
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Friday, August 4, 2017
4th August 2017
I think.... i am starting to get depressesd.... just feel something is wrong with myseld....
Thursday, August 3, 2017
3rd August 2017
You just never how much it really hurts dont you.... you always say you do but you dont.... i will never do the same to you because i know how much it REALLY hurts....
3rd August 2017
I really dont know what to do..... to make baby forgive me..... and she just dont want to say a thing..... i just really feel like hurting myself to numb myself from such emotional pain.....
2nd Auguat 2017
Hope you will never get to find my blog.... as i know... once you finish reading it... you will definitely get angry at me for not telling you all this... but the thing is... you know you will get angry even if i tell you.... i really dont want to get you angry and rather i keep all this to myself... and watch you learn slowly.... on how to love me... i really love you.... and if you get to find out about this blog of mine.... i do hope you'll still be with me and want to be with me forever and love me forever.... because... i do.... all i have done is all because of you and for you.... just want you to know how big an impact you make on me...
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
2nd August 2017
Ended school today at 12... went for lunch with friends and ended up in karaoke. Around 2+... baby returned snap that she ended school and told me to meet at circle line... i was half way in karaoke with friends... told them i need to rush off already... ran off and out.... luckily there was a cab... hopped on and went over to nex and meet baby as told... reached there... got a stomachache and went to shit first... told baby about it... when done... she asked why i took so long and her mum was rushing her already... i rushed off from school and reached nex including shitting was around 30mins.... i was very fast already.... i really understand that her mum ia rushing her and may get angry over her taking so long... but i wasnt even told about around what time baby end school.... i rushed off and reached in 30mins is really very fast already.... all i needed was baby's appreciation... i really appreciate you trying so hard to let me send you home... as everytime i send you home... it is a risk itself... but i do need your appreciation for the things i do for you too.... i guess you do not know that i always put your feelings first before mine.... everything i do.... i think of not getting you sad, angry and etc.... when i do so... i may get sad and angry for doing it... but i try my best to suppress it... as long as you're happy.... because i really love you...
2nd August 2017
Felt really weak and lousy during training... all of a sudden i felt like i lost all my motivation... teared half way through training during break... felt so lousy because my stamina sucks like hell... cannot even kick properly like how i do last time... all gone.... down into the drain... easily injured nowadays... everywhere also injured... feel like i really suck.... and said a fucker by baby.... seems like i am really a loser in life.... idk what i am doing with life.... why am i in this earth.... i cause problem.... being a burden.... being a loser..... sometimes.... i really want to see who really cares... if i am lying in the hospital dying.... wtf am i thinking right.... idek wtf is wrong with me..... all i need is baby to embrace me.... just her is enough.... all i need her hug.... and tell me everything will be okay and she will be there with me.... and as i typing this.... i am fucking tearing.... but who knows?... nobody gonna know about this blog....
2nd August 2017
If baby, being my closest one, dont even believe me that i really did not mean to say it... i'll be fucking sad.... that in her eyes... i am a fucker....
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