Kept dreaming of you... sigh... The content of the dream, how i wish it is really the opposite in reality...
2 years ago today, we had our first kiss... time passes so quickly when we were happy... and yet so slowly when i am hurt...
Thursday, December 6, 2018
Friday, November 23, 2018
23rd November 2018
Kinda disappointed in you... the way you act and thinks... becoming who you said you will not become... contradictions much... please be better and dont make me think i believe in you wrongly...
Friday, November 9, 2018
9th November 2018
Constantly...
Found myself constantly wondering what you're doing...
Found myself constantly wondering how was your day...
Found myself constantly worrying about you...
Found myself constantly worrying about you jumping into the guy you like doing inappropriate actions...
Found myself constantly worrying that you could be taken advantage of...
Found myself constantly worrying if you're okay as you drank alcohol and you cant drink much, which may make you cannot think straight which you think you can, then start hugging/touching/kissing the guy, giving him the chance to do the same back to you...
Found myself constantly checking up on you...
Found myself constantly thinking about you...
Found myself constantly attached to you psychologically, emotionally and physically...
Found myself constantly being unable detaching myself from you...
Found myself constantly killing myself with everything of you...
Found myself constantly knowing the fact that i cannot do anything about it but yet still constantly doing all of the above...
My love for you is constant as ever... And i'll constantly be there for you if you ever need me...
Thursday, November 8, 2018
8th November 2018
Killed myself for your happiness... Really hope you'll be happy... Dont make the same mistakes... Learn that every relationship you need to fight to stay in love... No relationship is easy and smooth... Please take care of myself and dont get your hurt... and dont get yourself taken advantage of... Whatever happens... I'll still be there for you... I love you...
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
7th November 2018
7-11... a day i would never forget... the day where it all ended... may one day miracle happen and spark us again...
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
6th November 2018
The deepest scar i've ever get... a scar it may never heal... a reverse of how the scar is caused is the only way to heal...
6th November 2018
Lost... so fucking lost without you... find myself wondering around and wondering around and wondering around... got myself too fucking attached... be it emotionally... mentally... or physically... cant seem to find a way to detach myself... i just need to act right... act like i am fine and i can do this... idek how i am gonna survive through... somebody just inject me to sleep to numb all of these feelings... memories... pain...
Monday, November 5, 2018
5th November 2018
I am just speechles.... totally speechless.... it breaks me so hard i know nothing to say.... killing myself would make me feel better maybe... can somebody kill me please... hit me... whatsoever... just physically hurt me please... let me exchange whatever pain i am feeling now with physical pain... i am just... speechless... all i can think about now is just... I love you... about how much i really love you...
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Monday, October 15, 2018
Saturday, October 13, 2018
13th Oct 2018
Sorry for being annoying by over concerning... all because i really love you... 😔 haiz... 😞
Friday, July 13, 2018
13th July 2018
I am really really really tired... chasing you is really fucking difficuly do you know?... fighting for you exhaust me... but i love you and that is why i continues to fight for you... and because i really love you... and if you really wants to go back to him... tell me... i will step back, walk away and let you go... I dont know how i am gonna survive it but tell me... i will do my best to let you go... and not obstruct your happiness... just know that... i really really really love you... and really really really want to be with you... which i am willing to do anything just to be with you...
Friday, June 29, 2018
29th June 2018
My feelings were right... my guts were right... that something is not right... haiz... when... when will i ever get the day when you like ne again... its really tough fighting through everyday... its really aint easy trying to make you like me you know... when will i be noticed by you... when... really just kill me please... dont say nahh when what you're doing is killing me...
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
12th June 2018
Sorry for being stupid... sorry for being a dumbass... sorry for being an idiot... sorry for asking the same question over and over again... because i want to be sure... because i am insecured... because i am a fucked up... because i love you so much... because i really really want you... thats why i ask... if you wont ever like me... just tell me straight... kill me all at once... i will make my leave...
Friday, June 8, 2018
8th June 2018
What would be the best birthday gift for me?... I want nothing but... If would be best gift of my life if you ask me "would you give me another to be with you?..."
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
30th May 2018
I really really really love you so much.... even after you broke me... i still stayed and continued to love you... how stupid i am... and i am still being so stupid to stay and love you... but you just never see the good of me standing right in front of you... and going for another guy you are doubting... why.... why go for a guy you're doubting and unsure of.... when i can be one you can never ever doubt and will always stay and be here for you.... love you... care for you... do everything for you and with you... you dont want me to leave cos you know you might get hurt ao you can come to me.... so just fucking leave that guy now... you're not even sure if you really likes him... you say you have feelings for him... more like just infatuation feelings... if you really likes him and have feelings for him... you would not let me hold your hands... touch you and kiss you so intimately at all... ask yourself... will you let him do this to you?... I hope you wont and i will never allow you to do so.... come to me please.... i really love you and i really want to be with you.... just fuck it leave him and come back... fml... this is so killing me... you know you're hurting me dating him but you still do it... and you say you dont want to hurt me... how contradicting... i really really really want you to leave him... and come back..... please... kill me please.... really...
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
29th May 2018
I really dont know how long more i can try to survive...
JUST FUCKING KILL ME LA... WHY LET ME WATCH ALL THESE... WHY...
Friday, May 25, 2018
Saturday, May 19, 2018
19th May 2018
I dont know how long i can hold... Each day is a fight for me... Each day, i felt that you two are getting closer and closer... Each day i felt that you two gonna get together for sure soon... Each day, it is killing me inside out... Each day, i pray for you to realize and come back... But, I afraid, one day when you realize and come back finding me... I may be gone... All because i love you too much and it killed me... I feel that you used ways to keep me around or pushed me around for no reasons just as you like because you know i will never leave... One day... idk when... when you push me away again and i may never be walking back again... And i afraid when/if you realize i am the one... it may be all too late...
I just dont understand... you dont even know him for a month and dont even know him much... and you're already dating him... everything could be pretentious... You said you dont want to love because you're afraid you will hurt opposite party but you're dating him... isnt that already hurting the opposite party if it does not work out... if you're afraid of hurting people you would not even date him at all...
Everything is killing me... i swear... i just want you two to stop dating... i dont want you two to be together... i dont want... selfish thinking but thats what pain made me what i am... i really wish you could just stab and kill me... just let me die... once dead, i can feel nothing anymore... nothing... really nothing could make me feel alive except for you being with me...
Maybe one day i may just die and you wont even realize it...
Friday, May 18, 2018
Thursday, May 17, 2018
17th May 2018
My heart... really cannot take this... not even kidding... how is it possible that my heart has been pumping so fast for the whole day... fucking heavy heart and feeling damn fucking uncomfortable... why is it so hard to make you like me... why...
17th May 2018
Fml la... really fml... really can somebody just literally stab me in my heart and let me die... because knowing i can never have the one i love and watching the one i love liking another guy feels worse than death...
Saturday, May 5, 2018
5th May 2018
也许, I should really leave everything... best to end my life... Not appreciated, not cherished, i am good for nothing, worthless, hard to love, and shit...
Friday, May 4, 2018
4th May 2018
I am really tired of myself and life... can somebody just end my life with euthanasia...
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Saturday, April 28, 2018
28th April 2018
What it feels like to die? Is it very relaxing lying down all day err day sleeping? Can i try death for a day?
Friday, April 27, 2018
27th April 2018
Haiz... so fast got another person you like... is it you just craving to have a relationship in school... same old advice... dont hurt people and dont get yourself hurt... i can only stand one side and watch... cos no matter what i do you just wont like me... seems like you wont ever give us a chance anymore...
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Monday, April 16, 2018
16th April 2018
Haizz... it just hurts... watching the one you love going for another person... it just feel the same as death...
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Friday, April 13, 2018
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
11th April 2018
I miss you... I miss you sooooooooo much omg... Hugs, kisses, your care, your want to talk to me, spam me when i not replying and all... 😔😔
Sunday, April 8, 2018
8th April 2018
How am i gonna suppress all these feelings... how..
Got nobody to talk to... when you're the ONLY one i can really talk to...
You must have felt nothing at all ba... it does not affect you at all right...
I am going crazy... i cannot stop thinking and thinking...
My heart....... 😭😢 Can you hear me....
I need you....... I need you.........
I am feeling SO FUCKING depressed....
Just reading our last few messages can make me cry already... fml...
I am anxious like fuck.....
Saturday, April 7, 2018
7th April 2018
I really hope this just a joke... cannot believe you told me not to worry but you turned your words around right away... This is so hurting... Just like that... "idw to talk to you already" and poof... You really not gonna talk to me anymore... kill me instead of doing this to me...
7th April 2018
Anxiety just keep coming... heavy and uncomfortable heart... mind cannot stop running... i need you to talk to me... i cant take it any longer...
Friday, April 6, 2018
6th April 2018
Haiz... I want to tell you things but you dont want to talk to me... Even if i tell you, you wont reply...
6th April 2018
Haiz haiz haiz...... can somebody just kill the fuck out of me...
Am i that easy to throw away?... Just throwing me aside when you dont want to talk to me already... is it you think it is okay to throw me aside because i will never go away...
The pain... i could never share it anymore... but to seal myself up like a air tight container... shared with you my pain but you just doesnt seems to care...
Keep having anxiety... fuck...
Thursday, April 5, 2018
5th April 2018
Fuck my life... Just, fuck my life...
Good thing about showering... nobody will know you're crying...
Not like you care about how i feel anyway right...
Fuck my fucking heavy heart... its fucking pain... fml...
Running also can start tearing...
Wednesday, April 4, 2018
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Monday, March 19, 2018
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Friday, February 9, 2018
Monday, February 5, 2018
4th February 2018
You're my achilles heel yet my strength too. I need you to need me. 😧
I guess you will come back to check if i will put up any new post, so here you go. Fishball. 😂
Sunday, February 4, 2018
4th February 2018
Haiz... you still love me but you doesnt want me back... when i really want you back... 😔
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